Sandwiched between two eclipses along with the Autumn Equinox has really pushed me to my energetic limits. So many aspects of self is coming out from the shadows of my subconscious into the light. Layer upon layer revealing itself so it can be healed. I am feeling the punch of the universal energies asking me to shed, and then shed some more.
To walk with the shadow self takes courage and patience. It is painful, yet liberating. This past week, in particular, has been heavy. Lots of inner child wounds coming up and triggers long forgotten re-surfacing. I always move into these spaces with curiosity and ask “what are you trying to show me? ” I lean in and brace myself. I allow the emotion to woosh through me and out of me. I breath, I cry, I release. And I send love to that part of myself that had suffered for so long. It is no more part of my reality and I celebrate my freedom.
Shadow work is a process of transformation that comes with knowing that the harder something is, the greater the growth and strength gained from it. I have learnt that true power can only come from taking radical responsibility for all aspects of my life and my experiences. The moment I understood that each person, place or thing in my life is a reflection of my vibrational output and that output is determined by the input of my thoughts and beliefs about myself, navigating the shadow became bearable and a very necessary part of my spiritual evolution.
As I walked with my shadow I could see the movie of my life playing at rapid speed from early childhood through to adolescence and adulthood. As each episode flashed by I could see how the wounds that were being triggered had played out in my life and that with the cosmic support of the eclipse and the equinox it is time to re-write those stories and set myself free.
I found the ” I am”, “I feel”, ” I have” , affirmations were not quite right for me in re-programing my input. I was guided to say ” I deserve” and that opened me up in ways I could never have imagined. There is a strength, clarity and purpose I feel in every cell of my body now. I have been saying a loud the same affirmations I always say, yet changing one word has shifted me to a whole new level. Here are some examples you might also like to use and add your own:
I deserve love
I deserve prosperity and abundance
I deserve to be treated with respect
I deserve to be free
I deserve all the good things in life
I deserve to be peaceful
I deserve to be healthy
And so on I went….there was so much power and belief in my words to myself. I identified that the root of my wound was feeling that I always had to prove myself. Prove my worth, prove my love, prove my knowledge, prove that I am enough. That was the inner child wound. Growing up with the feeling of never truly fitting in and although I was always confident and charged on a head, I can see now how that has impacted my relationships on all levels. At the root of it I never felt that I could be truly loved for just being me, I had to prove it, I had to show everyone that I am worthy of love.
The power of semantics is not lost on me here. Shifting into the vibration of being deserving means that I don’t need to keep ‘doing’ things to prove my worth, I already deserve it. It is my birth right and the only person that I need to be ok with is myself. I choose me.
It has been a painful and profound journey and hats off to all of you friends who are walking with their shadows. Take it slow and steady, be kind to yourself and know that you are the key to unlock all the generational and lived trauma.
Life is the lesson, so live it well.
Nazanin Marashian 