November is a big month for me. Lots of life events are book marked in this month when the Jacaranda trees bloom. Beginnings and endings. The most significant of these events is the birth of my son Rohan. My Bear Boy. His birthing journey from conception to earth side has re-shaped me into the woman I am right now. Feeling the edges of where my divinity meets my humanity is the teaching my little Master has re-awakened within me. I feel so many emotions right now. Noticing how my pain is also pleasure. My loss is also my blessing. Those who know me understand my meaning.
To contextualize briefly: four years ago I woke up with a feeling that something wasn’t quite right with my baby. I did a drum journey, this was something I did every morning of my pregnancy, and on this particular day I saw death, blood, grief, immense loss….NO! NO! NO! I screamed inside of myself, this is not my story, and it wasn’t.
Despite being told that my baby may not be alive, I birthed him via emergency C-section. Being told he has brain damage, being told that his organs were failing, being told that his heart stopped, blood plasma depleting, and so many other issues. Being told that my son is at death’s door over and over…..NO! NO! NO! NO! I screamed inside of myself, this is not my story, and it wasn’t.
That moment is past and with me is an amazing 4 year old boy, full of joy, full of life, clever, wise and strong. They say every pregnancy shapes the way you will mother your unborn child. When I reflect on my journey with him it was such an intense time of inner work. I had a solid morning routine of connecting in with him and with myself. I was the biggest I had ever been with any of my other children. I got to 101kg! And yet I was energetic and mobile, all my blood work was perfect, my Iron levels the highest they ever were my whole life as I was anemic most of my childhood and adult life. I felt in tune with my BEINGNESS. I was present with myself and met my needs. This pregnancy and birth has shaped me into a warrior woman. My precious child has given me the opportunity to really know how strong I am.
As I continue to grow into the warrior I also allow myself to slow down and put down the armor. Allow myself to feel the feels and rejoice in the fact that this story could have been written in so many other ways. I am so grateful for this moment and for the blessing of this life. I am here and so is my son and for that I will celebrate.
On this day I felt to rest and let the words for the blog to flow through me, how perfect that it is the 22.11.22. So much support all around me and indeed all of us to step fully into our path and spread our wings even wider. So much gratitude to my children and all the wisdom that bring and to all our children, may they always feel love and strength.