I find myself in a moment of pause, a moment of deep introspection. It has been an expansive – soul-crafting 4.5 months of 2020.
First she began with devastating fires. Unimaginable loss of wildlife, loss of homes, individuals and millions of acres. The air was so thick with smoke haze that the landscape looked more like Mars than Earth. We came together in collective prayer and called in the rain and our prayers turned into floods. All that was dead, now came back to life. Seeing the shift from drought to re-generation was pure magic. A sigh of relief. Before we could get too comfortable the pandemic sent us all to our rooms and many to the end of their life story. Life and death so thinly veiled and the truth of the impermanence of our time here even more obvious.
Hitting the global break button and asking us all to wake up from the daily grind has created an immense paradigm shift. We are being asked to really look with a new vision of how we are showing up in the world. What are we holding sacred? How can we craft a sustainable future? How will we remember these times? How can we truly heal our wounds and the wounds of the Earth? Who holds power? How to rise up in love and community rather than fear and separation? I feel these are no longer concepts but lived realities.
I have been sitting with a lot of mixed emotions as I contemplate these questions and start to experience my own skin shedding – calling me deeper into myself and my wounding. Many layers of existential inquiry have come up to the surface. This time in isolation has shown me the depths of my privilege; shown me how safe and supported I am. How much I have to be grateful for, and therefore my responsibility to rise up in this time of transition.
This time away from the busyness of the daily routine. All projects cancelled. All trips postponed. Slowing down and just BEing with my children is THE GIFT. Yet, shamefully I feel a deep sadness. I can’t seem to tap into the portal of light opening up, to ‘rise up’… When there is so much pain and suffering around me yet I am held so strongly and protectively, what do I have to be sad about? I asked the question and the Universe answered it for me….FORGIVENESS….I need to forgive. Forgive myself and really love me. To become my LOVER. No one or no thing can be that for me. Self-love and Forgiveness is the portal key.
Interestingly when we sit with ourselves long enough all our stories come to the surface, often all at once too- like a film reel. In this time on Earth all that is lingering in the dark places both within and without are being illuminated. I am being asked to tap into forgiveness. It is also a damn hard place to reach! What is forgiveness? What is its shape and colour? What does it take to forgive? The guidance that came through today as I performed a sacred ritual for myself to tap into forgiveness was as follows:
“My daughter, child of the sun and moon. Forgiveness is letting go. Forgiveness is allowing love to flow into the spaces that pain and suffering create. Forgiveness is non-attachment to the story. Forgiveness is the acceleration of your healing. Let all that aches inside of you go. Bring the person, situation or aspect of yourself that you blame into the light of grace and cut the chords with love. Remember, forgiveness brings us back to love. Forgiveness brings us into our hearts. Forgiveness is the fastest way to heal relationships. Forgiveness is the lesson learnt. Forgiveness is the breaking of the seed and spouting of the bud.”
In the muddy, murky space of formlessness, the black hole of my womb, I FORGIVE MYSELF and LET GO of all the guilt, shame, fear, self-doubt, expectations, the ‘why me’ stories, the blaming and disappointments. I allow the LIGHT of pure LOVE to shine there instead. And so it IS. Blessed be.
Forgiveness IS AN ACT OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE