This month I have been wrestling with managing my self-talk. Moving through many dark phases as my inner critic’s voice seem to be louder than usual. I decided to lean into the discomfort and start a dialogue with this inner critic rather than avoiding it. In the process some very painful truths and also misguided illusions were revealed and healed.
As I sat each day with the terrible thoughts I was having about myself, one by one unpicking them, letting the energy move out of my body, I felt the transformation this exploration afforded me. Personal development and self-mastery is not an easy path. In my solitude my inner critic seems to be the loudest. And yet it is there that I discover the power of self-talk to shape my attitude and belief in myself. Sitting with the darkness also allowed space for the light to get in.
Let me back track a little and offer up a brief definition of what I mean about “self- talk” and it’s impact on our lives.
Self-talk is the continuous stream of thoughts and inner conversations we engage in throughout the day. It can be positive, empowering, and constructive, or it can be negative, limiting, and self-sabotaging. The crucial aspect is that self-talk is not just a passive reflection of our feelings; it actively shapes our beliefs and influences our behavior.
The influence of self-talk extends across various facets of our lives, affecting our mental well-being, relationships, and professional pursuits. Negative self-talk can breed self-doubt, fuel fear of failure, and hinder personal growth. Conversely, positive self-talk can foster resilience, boost confidence, and serve as a catalyst for achievement.
My self-talk is usually quite positive and uplifting, so it was a shock to experience the darkness of the self-talk that was coming up for me this month. Interestingly, it was this very aspect that allowed me to fully appreciate how to uplevel it. As I found myself experiencing self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and very hard self-criticism, leaning into these emotions created an opportunity to uplevel the self-talk.
One of my key strategies, for all things self-help is to cultivate awareness and observe these thought patterns without judgement. This then opened up a rational dialogue to disarm these negative and heavy thoughts and promoted a deeper sense of gentleness and curiosity within myself.
Without judgement I was then able to challenge the negative self-talk and ask myself if any of these thoughts are based on any fact or truth, or are they merely distorted perceptions? In this empirical approach I was then able to fully let it all go and replace the self-talk with a more balanced and loving alternative.
Talking to myself ‘out loud’ was also very helpful. As I could hear my voice outside of my head and replace the darkness with light. Shift the negative into positive affirmations. Challenge the ” I can’t get through this” to ” I am taking it one step at a time”.
The most potent of all the strategies for up-leveling my self-talk was the practice of self-compassion. Treating myself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend facing challenges put that inner critic’s voice on mute.
Why upleveling your self-talk matters is simple, by understanding the impact of self-talk you can reshape your internal dialogue and, consequently, your life. Remember, the way you speak to yourself is not a passive exercise but an active creation of your reality. As you embark on this journey of self-discovery and positive transformation, celebrate the progress you make and embrace the empowering potential that lies within your words.
Sometimes sitting with the inner critic for a short time, diffuses the hold it has on you. That has been my recent experience. What I am learning each day is that upleveling your self-talk is the key to unlocking your true potential and living a more fulfilling, empowered life.
Nazanin Marashian 